Shattered and Embittered
by HotChilliGriffin
Summary: A twoshot, written before s3, based on spoilers about ET's death. Part 1, Shattered, part 2, Embittered.
1. Shattered

_A/N: Written pre-season three, based on spoilers about ET's death._

* * *

**Shattered**

_Hurt Nav, I'll hurt you._

Buffer flinched as the words ran through his memory. That was the promise he had made, so long ago; and while ET may have forgotten it, Buff sure hadn't.

One look at Nav's broken posture, the desperation in her dull eyes, and he wanted to kill someone. _But not ET,_ he acknowledged silently, his throat tightening. _You can't hurt ET, can you?_

His hands curled into fists, and he hoped no-one could see how badly he was shaking. He was powerless; his brains, his muscles, his agility, all absolutely useless... and it was almost more than he knew how to deal with.

Afterwards, he had always tried to pretend that his warning to ET had been made out of concern for Nav; because everyone knew ET was a charmer, and that Nav was just a little too nice for her own good. He'd never imagined the lust-based romance would go anywhere, especially as neither of them were likely to give up Hammersley for it.

Now, there was only the ship and Nav's shattered hopes. ET couldn't have wounded her more painfully if he had tried. It made his own struggle with Ray Walsman look almost pitiful.

_So what are you going to do, Pete?_ Buff asked himself. _Nothing. Nothing I can do. No-one to hurt, no way to comfort. Absolutely useless._

He could see it in everyone's faces. They could all feel it. Life had been taken away, and there was no way, simply no way, of stealing it back.

_Wait. There is something you can do. Something you can all do,_ he suddenly realised. This had been no accident. This was murder.

There _was_ someone he could hurt.

It would be tough finding them, but he had no doubt the crew would all volunteer for a month of double shifts if it meant finding ET's killer. And he had no doubt what would happen when they _did_...

Something cold was growing inside him, and he let it.

Because when the time came, he wanted to be able to kill the bastards who had done this.


	2. Embittered

_A/N: Written pre-season three, based on spoilers about ET's death._

* * *

**Embittered**

Buffer sucked in a breath. This was it, wasn't it? His career was over. If he even had a job left after that report went through, it would be a miracle.

But he hadn't been able to lie. He hadn't been able to write anything other than the damning truth. For a start, no-one would believe it.

There was a knock on the door, and he glanced up. "Yeah?" he called gruffly, and the door opened. "Ma'am," he greeted quietly, almost embarrassed. What would she think of him? Then his eyes fell on the report in her hand, and he almost swore aloud.

"You got a minute, Buff?" Nav asked, and he nodded. "I just read your report, there's a few inconsistencies I'd like to go over..."

"It's all in there," he said quickly. A look passed between them, the words they weren't saying ringing loudly in the silence.

_You killed him in cold blood._

_Yes, I did._

"Actually, I'm not sure it is... you didn't mention anything about the target pulling a gun on you."

"He didn't, ma'am."

"I spoke to the others on the boarding party, apparently he did."

Buffer paused. The rest of the boarding party – Spider, Bomber, Swain, the X – they would all have seen the same as he had. The facts should be irrefutable.

"He wasn't armed, ma'am," he said calmly.

Nav studied him for a moment, lips pursed. "I know that. But apparently he reached behind him, as if he was going to pull a weapon, _after_ you warned him to put his hands in the air."

He frowned. "Well, yes, but... it was pretty obvious he was trying to escape, not attack."

"You couldn't have known that," she continued. "He was a multi-murderer, you knew he wasn't going to come quietly. You knew he'd have no compunctions about killing you. What if he had been reaching for a gun and you _hadn't_ fired?"

"I'd be dead," he replied dutifully. Her expression and voice had only wavered once, on the word 'multi-murderer'. She knew what that man had done better than anyone. But as she continued talking, there was no sign of the inner turmoil.

"Exactly. You can't be too careful with these people, Buff. If it was going to be him or you, I'd rather it was him."

Licking his lips rather nervously, Buffer nodded. Nav held out the report.

"Do it again," she instructed, using what Buffer had long-ago nicknamed her 'officer voice'. "Properly this time."

He nodded again, took the extended documents and placed them on his desk. "Yes, ma'am." She turned towards the door, and he waited a moment before speaking again, so that she would understand exactly what he was saying. "Thank you, ma'am."

She glanced back, soft teal eyes slightly unsteady as she looked at him. The mask fell from her face, so he wasn't looking at the officer or even the Nav. He was looking at Nikki. Scared, confused, embittered Nikki.

"No, Buff. Thank _you_."


End file.
